God grant me the serenity....
I say these words, twice, every Thursday night. But do I really believe them? Do I buy into it? Do I trust that God, whoever or whatever that is will be able to grant me the serenity to accept that which I can not change? After 38 years of thinking and acting in such a self destructive way, can I really put my trust into something that I can not even be sure I understand? Will this enable me to make my way through each day peacefully? How could this be possible?
the courage....
Every morning I get up I wonder how I am going to manoeuvre through my day. How will I face the challenges that will be put before me? Am I to trust that God will guide me? I don't think so. How can I trust in something I can't even see? I guess that is what they call faith. Where am I going to find this courage to trust in something I don't understand? I do not trust. It is not in my nature to. I rely on myself and no one else. Period. Is trusting in something you don't completely understand wise?
the wisdom....
Reading, listening and letting myself be in the moment each day has helped me slowly and carefully find my way. I have discovered through the gifts of my friends on Thursday nights how to discover the serenity, courage and wisdom to battle my demons and fix that which ails my soul. There are no quick fixes and no magic pills to take away the pain and heartache of all the years of destruction I have done. The only solution is to be persistent, present in each day, being open minded and willing to accept help from those who have walked the same rocky road before me. As the prayer says, there are things I will not change simply because I can't. I have to accept this for what it is and put my energy into the things that I can change. I still don't understand what or who my Higher Power is but I have come to understand that is ok. It is slowly taking form. This is a process and not a race. I don't have to be the first one to the finish line. The key is to just keep going and hold my head high.
So, the next time that I say this prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, I can truly live these words and feel them in my core.
