Transitions

I have been home, in Canada, for almost a year and yet, I am still struggling with this transition. Still finding myself saying, "I just got home." Still waiting for the moment when I finally feel settled in. Eleven months, and it still has not hit me yet.

Within the 3 and a half years of living and working in Korea, my mind would constantly wander to that moment when I could get on the move again to get home. That was my ultimate goal, wasn't it? And now, 11 months into my being home, my mind still wanders back in time to eleven months ago. Am I just nostalgic for the good points of my time there? Or am I just wishing for those things I don't have?

Eleven months ago, I could list 100 or more reasons why I needed to leave, needed to go, needed to "get the hell out of Asia". The smog, the crowds, the endless intrusion, the lack of personal space, the lack of open and empty spaces, the constant staring, the ever present film left on my skin from the lack of true, fresh, clean air, the humidity....my god, the humidity! And then of course were the things I missed from home. Clean air, fresh water, the ocean, being able to go outside and be alone rather than having to stay inside to be alone, my family, my friends, driving a car.

Now that I am home I find myself listing in my mind, lots of reasons to go back. I miss my friends, the easiness of life, the freedom, being accountable to no one but myself, and of course the money flow. In reality, my friends have mostly found their way in other places, their homelands, or are on some adventure in a far off land. There is also some distortion in my perception. I know this is true. I realize I am almost romanticizing my time there.

The other part this transition is I am becoming that person that no one likes to have around. I am becoming that person who says "Well, in Korea we did things like this...." "If you think this is bad, you should have been in Korea...." "When I was in Korea..."

I hate that person.
I swore I wouldn't be that person.

I am not sure of many things, but I am certain that I am not where I want to be. As I sit back and examine my life and where I am today, eleven months after coming home, I know change is eminent. Even with all my nostalgic thought, I am quiter certain the change will not take me back to Korea. But there is more transition to come.